Lecter stood in the shadows watching as Clarice’s date kissed her good night. Just why he was submitting himself to such torture, having to endure watching someone else kiss what he considered to be his, he wasn’t sure. And she was his, there was little question in his mind and he knew there wasn’t in hers either. Three years of freedom didn’t do anything to take away that fact for him, and he thought until now that she would feel the same. Nor did it, he discovered, lessen the feelings for her he had. For a moment as she pulled away, seemingly hesitant to kiss the suitor who clearly wanted more than a kiss good night he wondered if she sensed his presence.
He never had thoughts in his head of her waiting for him, there was not going to be a happily ever after for them and he knew this. But to witness her betraying him and what they had by seeking something physical that he knew would leave her unsatisfied brought out feelings in him that frightened him. Fear. An emotion he was not accustomed to feeling. How could she possibly be satisfied with physical pleasures after what they experienced together? Of course he realized she was an adult and would need physical releases like anyone.
He watched, relieved as the suitor left the front stoop without more than his good night kiss and drove off in his blue Mazda 626. The front porch light went out soon after and Lecter was left once again alone in the darkness with his thoughts. The roommate was gone for the night; he knew that from a discreet telephone call. He wasn’t sure what had drawn him here tonight but something had and when he had seen her leave with the young man he knew he had to follow. Not one for self-torture, he certainly subjected himself to enough. Though it was clear Clarice wasn’t enjoying the evening as well as she might, watching her smile knowing it was directed at someone other than him didn’t sit well with him.
Pulling his baseball cap low on his head he made his way across the street to Clarice’s house. The man had left more than thirty minutes ago so it didn’t appear he was returning. Picking the lock on her back door as quietly as he could, he was actually surprised that she didn’t hear him. She needs a dog, he mused to himself. He knew she didn’t have an alarm system on the house.
Stepping into her half of the duplex she shared with Ardelia Mapp he realized at once why she didn’t hear anything. The sound of water running coming from her bedroom led him into the room and the realization she was in the shower. Taking a seat on the edge of her bed, he decided to wait. Unless she knew somehow he was planning on visiting her he doubted very likely she carried her gun with her into the bathroom.
He listened as the water turned off and a few minutes later the door opened. She obviously hadn’t noticed him yet because she stood toweling off her hair. At least she was wearing a bathrobe, he would have felt very ungentlemanly had he not warned her of his presence only to have her come out of the bathroom with nothing on. Not that he would have minded the view, of course, but he’d rather look upon her without clothes on because she’d granted him permission.
“Washing away the effects of a bad evening, Agent Starling,” he queried softly from the edge of the bed, obviously enjoying the view she was providing him.
Clarice jumped and screamed, startled. Surprisingly she wasn’t as startled at who the voice belonged to as she was by the fact that there was someone there. Somehow she knew he’d find her, call on her as he chose to phrase it during their last conversation on the phone the day she graduated and became a full-fledged agent. That was three years ago, and she never went a day without thinking about him.
At least in the daytime she could push him out of her thoughts, at night she wasn’t so lucky. He haunted her dreams. Some of them were of their conversations down in the dungeon in Baltimore and their brief encounter in Memphis. Some, especially after the dreams of their encounter in Memphis and the brief touch of their hands, her dreams took a more erotic, sexual turn. Those, to her, were the most disturbing dreams and thoughts. That her subconscious would think of him in such a manner. She refused to admit her attraction to him, but somewhere in her mind she knew that it was only a matter of time before her subconscious took over and made her admit them.
“Doctor Lecter,” she said softly knowing they were alone but feeling the need to exercise caution nonetheless. “You don’t strike me as the type to enjoy scaring women.”
“Had I known you were in the shower, Clarice, I would have waited to come in.” His maroon eyes narrowed in the dimly lit room as another thought was brought to the forefront of his mind. Perhaps she wasn’t washing away the effects of a bad evening. Perhaps she was washing away the effects of an intimate evening. He liked his original thought much better and instantly pushed this thought out of his mind. Picturing Clarice being intimate with anyone was a disturbing thought.
Clarice glanced around the room. Her gun and cuffs were in the living room, she wondered if he knew that. She wondered if she could somehow get out of the room without arousing his suspicions. “You shouldn’t be here at all, Doctor. What if Ardelia comes home while you’re here?” Ardelia wouldn’t be home for a week and Clarice knew that, she was on vacation in Michigan skiing with her current boy friend.
“And cancel her trip early? I highly doubt it. Not even to save you from me.”
She frowned slightly, her blue eyes showing her surprise. “Well, still, you have no right to come in here.”
“Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. You don’t want me here. Is my presence offensive? I thought we had left Memphis on somewhat friendly terms. You captured Bill after all was said and done.”
“I did, and you of all people should realize our conversations were not friendly in nature. I was doing my job, and as you pointed out I had run out of vacations to sell you. Catherine had to be found.” A lot of good it did me, Clarice thought to herself. Sure she had found Bill, shot the bastard and saved Senator Martin’s daughter’s life. After that everything had gone down hill. For some reason she was not assigned to Crawford’s Behavioral Sciences unit and she’d been stuck doing meaningless tasks for the past three years.
“And you think the aftermath of that I’m somehow responsible for,” he asked curiously clearly sensing where her thoughts were. “I assure you, I had nothing in mind for you but the very best, Clarice. If it were up to me you’d have all that you desire from your job and be quite fulfilled.”
She slumped her shoulders slightly as he spoke. His words rang true. It wasn’t his fault things had turned out the way they had. It was so easy to blame him, though, because by blaming him she could push aside the other thoughts and feelings that his name brought with it. “No, you’re not responsible. I realize that, Doctor. But you also left leaving me to hold the bag so to speak. Krendler was convinced that you had somehow told me the truth about Jame Gumb. That I wouldn’t have been able to find him on my own and that I had in the ten minutes we were alone together in Memphis performed some sort of act on you to get that information.”
Lecter couldn’t help but be amused. Obviously Mr. Krendler didn’t know Clarice well at all or he would have known even had Hannibal himself made such a suggestion she wouldn’t have done something like that. Straight as an arrow was Clarice Starling. He himself should be offended by such a suggestion, Hannibal realized. Mr. Krendler was suggesting that Lecter would have been satisfied with such an encounter with Clarice, which was hardly true. Besides their psychological embraces were far more fulfilling to Hannibal than any physical coupling could have been for him without the full benefits of physical intimacy. Of course Lecter knew that Paul Krendler wouldn’t know anything about mental intimacy. The man wouldn’t understand anything beyond the physical.
A shame really, now that Lecter had found such a rarity he wanted to grab that holy grail and lay claim to it. Unfortunately, that holy grail was Special Agent Clarice Starling and he didn’t imagine she was going to let him lay claim to her anytime soon. “And how exactly would I have been able to put those rumors to rest, Clarice? Given them a,” he paused not wanting to be rude but not knowing how else to phrase it, “sample to ensure it had been more than 24 hours since I’d ejaculated? Of course then there would be those like Mr. Krendler who would take those results to mean you just didn’t finish the job. And as much as I would relish the idea of defending your honor to the death, the more adamant I would have been at denying something the more Krendler would look vindicated.”
Clarice paled slightly at the thought of him going through the process of such a test on her behalf. And ironically she knew that had he not escaped he would have gone through such a humiliating process if it were for her. “No, I know there was little you could have said or done to prove him wrong, Doctor. But God I hated going through it alone. And that you did have control over.” There she had said it. That was what really bothered her when it got down to it. He had left her, just like her father had done. He still would have been behind bars, and it certainly wasn’t as though she could have gone to see him every day. But God it bothered her that he had just left and now here he was three years later sitting on her bed talking to her as if he weren’t a wanted criminal. A serial killer.
He stood and went to her, the urge to comfort her instinctive. Something he had dreamt of doing over the past three years, but had been until now unable to do. He had wanted to come to her several times, had even gone so far as coming to D.C. and watching as she left work. Watching as she ran along the wooded trail she jogged foolishly alone at. Watching as she went out on dates. Watching as she kissed other men.
As his arms went around her, he felt her pull away from him whether it was out of fear or shock he wasn’t sure. He was much stronger than she was, so it didn’t take much effort to prevent her from pulling away and perhaps it was because of her struggle that he found himself exhilarated and needing to kiss her. Needing to banish her kisses shared with her suitor earlier in the evening from her mind. His lips smothered hers roughly at first as his body pushed her against the bathroom wall.
He opened his mouth, his tongue grazing over her lips, parting them forcibly as his hand sought the tie to her robe. He felt her move, more than likely to stop his hand so he took hold of both her hands placing them above her head holding them securely by the wrist with one of his hands. He broke the kiss, his mouth moving to her neck taking in the scent of her closing his eyes briefly to store it in his memory palace for another day. She smelled like soap, shampoo, baby oil and laundry soap ordinary smells that smelled wonderful and very appropriate on her. He bit her lightly, his kiss increasing in pressure suckling knowing he would leave a mark. Wanting to leave a mark. Hoping the young suitor would see it and think that she had gone from him into the arms of another man.
She was still fighting him, he could feel her body trying to move from being pinned to the wall with his body. But he could also feel her respond to him, her chest was heaving out of more than physical effort to escape him. His free hand parted her robe and brushed across a nipple lightly causing it to harden and her to groan. “That’s it, Clarice,” he said softly. “Give in to me. Give in to it. It’s right. This is so right.”
He moved his hand brushing the pad of his thumb over her other nipple causing it to harden further than it already was. He pulled away slightly, pleased at her response to him, pleased at the mark he had left on her. He had marked her mentally three years ago, it was time to mark her physically. Unfortunately, a hickey alone wasn’t going to do that. It was time to make her wholly and completely his.
“Can I let go of your hands now, Clarice?”
She was afraid to speak, afraid her voice would give way to the excitement she felt. It wasn’t only what he was doing to her that was causing her excitement. It was the idea that it was him. That she shouldn’t be doing this, standing in her bathroom pinned to the wall by Hannibal Lecter allowing him to kiss her, allowing him to touch her bare nipples and respond to that touch. She knew he had given her a hickey, and obviously the act of him biting her didn’t cause her to feel anything but arousal. No fear as she had once thought she would feel. “Yes,” she finally murmured. “I have no desire to escape from you at the moment, Doctor.”
“Hannibal,” he said softly slowly releasing her wrists watching the skin return to its normal color from the white it had been from his holding them. “The name is Hannibal, Clarice. And unless you have an unfulfilled fantasy about being intimate with a doctor I expect at least for the next little while for you to use my name. Say it, Clarice.”
She swallowed hard. If she didn’t say it, maybe he’d leave. Maybe he’d turn around and go, which is what she wanted. She wanted him to go, to get out of her life. She shook her head, who was she kidding she didn’t want him out of her life. “Hannibal,” she said softly.
“Tell me you want me, Clarice. Here and now in your bathroom? Is that what you want?”
Her hands worked the buttons on his shirt quickly, so agilely she was afraid he’d think she was far too familiar with such activity. She peeled back the shirt from his chest, her hands spreading over his now bared chest groaning at the warmth of it, the hardness and firmness of it. Oh God, she thought to herself, how could anyone possibly do this to her? Make her feel like this? Make her feel more like a woman than anything else in her life ever had? “Yes,” she said breathlessly. “Here and now. That’s what you want, isn’t it, Hannibal?”
She lowered her hands to his trousers, releasing the belt from the belt loops and unbuckling it. The zipper stuck momentarily causing her to swear. She felt him laugh more than heard it. Damn, she probably seemed like a desperate teenager to him, struggling to get his pants off but she felt like one at the moment. Years of pent up frustration, pent up arousal, pent up denial had finally exploded and she wanted it. Wanted him. All of him.
Lecter stepped out of his trousers when he felt them fall to the floor. “Turn around then, Clarice,” he said as he in turn released her from her robe. He saw the questioning look in her eyes and realized perhaps that wasn’t the best position for them given the circumstances. “Never mind,” he said softly picking her up his hands going under her thighs for support as he pushed her into the wall. “Wrap your legs around me,” he said before bringing his mouth to hers for a kiss.
A groan escaped his lips, loud and animal like when he felt her legs go around his waist. How many times had this fantasy taken form, and here it was coming true. Her back against the wall, his tongue sought hers pleased when she responded by parting her lips and meeting his tongue with her own soft tongue.
He entered her swiftly, hard. Three years of pent up passion left little room to be gentle. And this wasn’t about making love this was about marking her. When she bit his tongue followed by a scream of her own he looked at her only to see tears fall from her face. As he thrust into her she gasped, her eyes closed pain evident on her face.
Suddenly it dawned on him, she was wet and ready for him but she was as tight as a glove. Tighter. She’d never done this before. She obviously wanted him, obviously wanted him to be doing this but why in the hell hadn’t she told him. And then the realization of what she had given him washed over him and he forgot for a moment that he should be gentle, the arousal he felt for what she had just given him was too great to stop now.
After a few minutes he felt her relax, felt the fingernails that had been imbedded in his back since he entered her retract and he knew she was better. He lowered his mouth to a breast, circling her nipple with his tongue timing it perfectly so that he bit her just a little too hard with a hard thrust into her pleased at the moan he got as a response.
He moved to the other breast, repeating the process as his thumb stroked the other nipple. After he had bit the second nipple he took the first nipple in between his index finger and thumb again timing it perfectly with a deep, hard thrust he pinched her nipple hard enough to cause her to scream out but it was obvious it was out of excitement rather than sheer pain. “That’s my girl,” he said softly as he moved his mouth to kiss her again. She was enjoying it, he could tell. He was sure it both shocked and disturbed her, but he wasn’t about to let her think about that now.
“My girl,” he added. “But only for me. Isn’t that right, Clarice?” He stopped his thrusts waiting for her response. “I don’t hear your answer, Clarice. This is only for me, isn’t it?”
“Oh God,” she said softly unsure if she could respond to him.
“No, the name is Hannibal, I thought we had gone over that already,” he said with a hint of amusement in his voice. “Now answer the question, Clarice, or I’ll stop right now and won’t finish. And as much as that may pain me both physically and mentally, I somehow think you’d like to experience your first orgasm from intercourse. I’ll make it a powerful one, Clarice. One it will take you hours to come down from.”
“Yes,” she screamed. “Only for you, Hannibal. Oh God, just don’t stop what you’re doing.”
“You feel so good, Clarice. Tight and wet, and it excites me to no end to know that that’s for me.” His thrusts began again, fiercer and harder than they were at first. And she was meeting him. He growled like an animal when he realized that she was meeting his wild thrusts with thrusts of her own.
“That’s it, Clarice,” he said softly feeling her nails go into his back again. But he knew this time it wasn’t because she was in pain. “I’m going to go harder now, Clarice. I want you to meet me. I know you can. Give me all that you can, Clarice. All of you.”
His hands reached out to brace the wall as he did as he said he would. A momentary feeling of guilt washed over him, he would hurt the average woman who had done this a few times before let alone someone who was experiencing this for the first time but she wasn’t complaining. She wasn’t fighting him. Instead she was meeting him, and by her groans and the bites she herself was placing along his neck and shoulders he got the impression that she was enjoying herself.
He finished just as suddenly as he had begun thankful that her roommate was in fact not home and he was here discreetly. He was quite sure the groan timed with his release could have been heard a mile away, but the utter fulfillment of spilling his seed within her wasn’t something he could keep quiet about.
“You can keep going,” he said breathlessly in her ear. “Keep going, Clarice. I’ll help you in a minute, just keep going.”
She did as he instructed and continued her thrusts while he reached down with his hand after catching his breath to stimulate her clitoris. “That’s my girl, Clarice. I could grow hard in you all over again just watching you trying to get more of me into you then I have to give you.”
He continued his attentions with his fingers, alternating between gentle and hard sensing she was about to finish he kissed her passionately before moving his mouth to her breast. He took her nipple between his teeth and suckled on it, then moving to the underside of her breast suckling harder as her groans became faster and more intense.
He paused when he felt her go still against him, feeling perspiration drop from her face to his nose nuzzled at her breast he smiled slightly lifting his face to look at her. Guilt washed over him for what he had done, how he had taken her but she had given him permission. Certainly she had to understand the urgency behind his request to take her there and then in her bathroom with her back up against the wall. There were no tears in her eyes now, she looked like a sated woman.
He released her slowly, making sure her legs would hold her after being around his waist for so long. A fresh feeling of guilt accompanied his pulling out and away from her as he saw the evidence of his having taken her innocence in such a fashion. Blood. He closed his eyes before looking up at her once more. He couldn’t let her see that he felt guilty.
“You’re mine, Clarice,” he said pushing back some hair from her face. “If there’s nothing else you learned tonight, let that be the one thing you take away from this tête-à-tête. I can assure you, Clarice, no one will be able to satisfy as I did.”
He smiled slightly as she looked at him curiously.
“I’m not conceited, Clarice. I’m certain there are men who are far more adept and far better equipped than I am. But those men don’t occupy your mind. We’ve already made love, Clarice, we did it three years ago in that dungeon in Baltimore with our minds. This,” he gestured to the both of them, “tonight was just taking it to the next level. But it had to be done. You shouldn’t go around kissing other men, Clarice. You never know when I’m watching, and you never know what I might do in a fit of jealousy.”
“I was surprised, truthfully, to find you were still a virgin, Clarice. I figured that in an attempt to escape me you would have sought the physical elsewhere.”
“I tried,” she said softly her eyes closed fighting back the emotions and feelings that were running through her. She was grateful that he still held her unsure if her legs could truly support her fully yet. He spoke of men being bigger than him, dear Lord she didn’t know if that was possible. She felt as if he had split her in two, though now that they were done it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as she thought it might.
She swallowed hard continuing. “I tried, but I could just never do it. If you saw me kiss Billy you’ll see just how far I’ve ever been with anyone since you. I couldn’t get past kissing them. I’d close my eyes and see you.”
“Believe it or not, I know what you’re going through, Clarice. It’s you who I think of and see before I go to sleep each night. Any woman I meet has difficult shoes to fill.”
“You’re going to need to shower all over again I’m afraid,” he said somewhat sheepishly, the closest he was going to come to talking about his feelings of guilt.
“Yes, I know,” she said glancing at the fresh blood on her legs. “I had no idea it would hurt so much at first. God I thought it would never end. And then the things you were doing, the biting and the pinching, I’ve never felt anything so satisfying in all of my life.”
He traced a finger of the mark he had left on her neck. “Don’t cover that up, Clarice. It stays uncovered or I won’t come back.”
She glanced at him sharply, he knew she wanted him to come back. She should have jumped at this chance, here was her chance to be rid of him. If she wore a turtleneck she’d be rid of him. But that wasn’t what she wanted, and she knew that she would never be rid of him. Not mentally. She nodded, biting her lip lightly. “All right,” she said softly. “Billy is going to wonder.”
“That’s the point, Clarice. Let him wonder. And let him know that you came home from your date with him and got fucked like you never have been before in your life. Of course that’s true,” he laughed lightly, “but he won’t know that it was your first time. He wasn’t man enough for you, my Clarice. And you need a man, no boys for you.”
She sighed softly when she felt his arms move from around her and walked to the shower to turn it on again. “Are you going to join me,” she asked curiously wondering what he would do now. Just leave as if nothing happened. She wasn’t sure if she could bear that, though obviously he couldn’t stay the night. Or could he? Who said he couldn’t? Ardelia was gone and who in the hell was going to show up at her house unannounced on Saturday? “Or are you going to go?”
“I’ll join you if you’d like me to, Clarice.”
“Lead the way then, Clarice.”
She pulled the shower curtain back once the water was hot letting him enter first, drawing the curtain closed behind her once they were both in. She glanced at her body wondering what he thought of it. Was she a disappointment to him? She hoped not, because despite the roughness he showed her he was everything she thought he’d be and more.
“Perhaps we can try that in a bed later tonight,” she said hopefully, uncertainly.
“I think we can arrange that, Clarice. But I need to hear something first.”
She smiled slightly. “I want you to make love to me on a bed like a man makes love to a woman he loves.” She glanced at him, her blue eyes meeting his intense maroon ones. “Hannibal,” she added slightly.
“That’s my girl,” he said softly before kissing her letting her know that their night wasn’t over.